Over winter break I went back home to Maui and it was the perfect opportunity to share my thesis with my friends. Throughout the semester I was able to think about and have informal dinners with friends in New York, but I really wanted to have a dinner with those people who have been in my life for a long time.
These friends in the video have been a part of my life since I was age 10. They were the first friends I made when I moved to a middle school that was outside of my district and they have remained and became some of the best friends I have ever had.
As we all moved away for college, and now are all on different post graduate paths, we rarely have a chance to get together. The holidays brought us all home, and my thesis brought us all together.
The planning for this started before I got home. My friend Marisa first initiated a get together since we would be home for the holidays. I thought, what a perfect opportunity to also experiment for my thesis. Enlisting the help of my friend Ali to host a dinner party at her house, we made a plan to not tell anyone this was also for my project.
As part of my past, I also brought the table to dinner. I took our kitchen table from home and had another friend haul it over up to our dinner site. This was the table we used at our home for over 30 years, so I couldn’t imagine not having this dinner on that table as well. I extended the leaves to its largest configuration (something we rarely do at home), to accommodate the large group.
I enforced the rule of no phones at the table by having everyone put it in a box. The uninterrupted time together was probably one of the most enjoyable times I had with them in a long time. Although we have not seen each other in a long time, when we get together, it’s like we were never separated.
It was interesting to see different people’s reactions to having a cellphone-free dinner. Some people were down for it, and others questioned, but everyone participated. They were great sports and overall the dinner was fun. I didn’t think about not having my phone with me, but rather focused on the people at the table. Without a phone in my pocket, there was no temptation to pick it up and look at it.
At the end of the night, everyone got their phone back after they filled out a short survey for me about their experience. They wrote on the placemats that I placed on the table. I also gave my friends a pre-addressed and stamped envelope with a card in it. This was for them to take with them as a reminder of our dinner, and as a favor to me. I asked them to do this again with other friends, or maybe even one another, and write to me about their experience. This is one way they can help me share this family dinner ritual with others.
Overall, I was very pleased with this intervention. What started off as a gathering of friends who have been away for a while, turned into a memory that we will all share for a lifetime. Not just because I have all the documentation to prove it, but because the stories, moments, and conversation shared around the table will have an unforgettable memory.